i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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