I looked at my own cervix.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize