you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize