Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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