You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He has the fingertips of a God
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