new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuck me I smell like cheese
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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