I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
