I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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