HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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