Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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