he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
