I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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