I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
