I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
