smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
