you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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