I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
