I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
