You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
