So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
