when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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