he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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