First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone signed my nipple.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
