i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
