areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
