My room smells like vodka and shame
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
