remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
