I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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