your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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