We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
