she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
