it hurts more in the daytime
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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