Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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