Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
