Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
