Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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