just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
