I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
