First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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