How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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