I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
