I could have mohawked her pubes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
