New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
