Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
