i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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