$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize