Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
