those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
