My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
