The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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