Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
