The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
