And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
