why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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