woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
