This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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