ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
