i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
please come you make the beer taste better
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
