Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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