That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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