After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
