put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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