playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
