Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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